Miroku's Hell
by Monkeygamegirl
Summary: Miroku's got a spell placed on him that makes him a girl. Sadly, it happens just around the time when Sango decides she wants him. Badly. Can get lemony later. (basically S/M) o.. forgot to mention sango kind of OOC but you know you like it that way! lol


-HEY CRAZY PEOPLES I'M STILL ALIVE! And looky I got an idea to write about too.. wow... a LEMON!! what fun. Just to let all you lemon freaks know, it's only slight lemon. Doesn't go very far. Save you the trouble from reading the whole thing and going "goddamn! they didn't even do that much!!" cause I know you guys probably want the whole thing. lol.

--Okay just for your information: There is one day of the month when females are the most fertile/horny according to my science teacher. This day is either 12, 14 or 16 days after they start their period and I quote him "... On this day, girls, unless you want to get pregnant, PLEASE FIGHT THE INSTINCT TO GO SCREW SOME GUY OKAY???.." yep. good old crazy science teacher. Just letting you know, and it is relative to the story. It's what Sango's going through, in case your lost.

---O yeah.. I don't own Inuyasha. I wish I owned miroku!! you people would never hear from me again and I'd probably never come out of my bedroom. *AHEM* on with the fic

Miroku's Hell Chapter 1: Stay Away Inuyasha. Just Stay away.

It was a nice normal day in Kaede's village. The sun was shinning, the tall grass swayed in the light spring breeze, birds chirped (when inuyasha wasn't chasing them away), and Sango was frenching Kagome's newest "Bishonens" magazine.

M... okay maybe it wasn't that normal.

Inuyasha smelled Sango's "heat" early that morning and knew he needed to get far, far away while he had the chance. That was precisely why he was about 2 miles away from the field where Kagome and Sango were having a picnic. When girls got into heat THAT bad, he knew he had to stay away or else his control would totally fail. It didn't matter who the girl was either. Even if it was Kaede, although totally impossible, he would still take her. Okay, maybe not Kaede but anybody else would do. He sat up in a tree with a very grumpy look on his face. 'Damn Sango. I wanna go look for more jewel shards.. but if I get to close to her, I'll probably do her right in front of Kagome. That would be embarrassing. Not like that's a big deal or anything.. I think.... stop thinking!!' Inuyasha's eyes narrowed all the more as he noticed a large balloon come over and begin to nibble on his head.

"Shippo unless you wish to die, I suggest you let go." said Inuyasha calmly. 'Don't want to hit him. He might just call kagome and sango will come with her. I can't believe the way she was staring at me this morning!' he thought as he remember the way Sango stared at him seductively this morning and the way she kept licking her lips. The thought made him give a slight shiver.

"I'm going to eat you!!" laughed Shippo, who immediately came into contact with inuyasha's foot which pinned him to the trunk of the tree.

"That will hold you for awhile." He said as he put his angry glare back on and stared toward the girls' direction.

***

Two miles away, Kagome turned the page on her math book. "Damn math. I hate math. Good thing Inuyasha is letting us stay here for the day, I need to study. I can't believe he's actually giving us a break. Don't you think it's weird Sango?... Sango?" Kagome looked up from her math book to her friend, who was currently open mouth kissing a picture of Brad Pitt.

"(muffled kissing sounds and moans) O... whoever you are you are soooo sekushi!! ooooo" Kagome sweatdropped.

"uh.. that's Brad Pitt.. he's taken by the way. haha, are you feeling alright, Sango?"

"Oh I'm fine!! GODDAMN!! who's taken my man??"

"Jennifer Aniston." Suddenly Sango was in her cat suit outfit, hiraikotsu ready in her hands.

"Alright lets go kill that bitch and then me and Brad can live happily and hornily ever after!!"

"WHOA!! easy there! First of all, they live all the way in America and secondly, kill Jennifer Aniston and you'll have to answer to millions of 'Rachel Green' fans who will tear you limb from limb. Here, turn to the next page, it's Matt Damon. He's single you can French his page all you want."

"YAY!!" Sango plopped back down and proceeded, as Kagome sweatdropped more.

"Okay, WHAT has gotten into you?"

"Hey did you notice this morning? Is it just me or is Inuyasha kind of hot? Sekushi even?" Asked Sango suddenly looking up from her magazine.

"EXCUSE ME? Now I KNOW something is wrong!"

"I don't know.. just ever since this morning every guy I see I wouldn't mind doing.. you know what!!"

"WHAT??? Your kidding!!"

"No!!... hm.. I bet Inuyasha would be really good.. you know with his hanyou background and everything..."

"NO WAY!! You CANNOT do that with Inuyasha!!"

"Oh yeah.. sorry.. I totally forgot he was yours."

"HE'S NOT MINE!!"

"Hey remember that really really hot guy back in the village? Maybe tonight at the festival if I can get him drunk enough he could do a one night stand thingy with me!! O... he had a really nice butt....*drooling*"

"SANGO! You cannot go and get yourself pregnant! What about Naraku? Don't you want to kill him and get revenge for your family? Your village?"

"Well.. yeah.. but can't he wait? It would be sooo worth it!"

"NO!" Kagome couldn't believe what her friend was actually saying. Something was wrong... but there was no way she could prevent her friend from doing what she wanted... 'better play it safe.' she thought.

"What are you doing?" asked Sango.

"Okay, I really don't want you to go get yourself pregnant so I'm gonna give you something." Said Kagome as she reached into her bottom less bag and pulled out a condom and handed it to Sango.

"Okay. Yeah. I totally know what to do with this." Said sango as she began chewing on the wrapper.

"NO! that's not what you do with it. Remember that time I gave you that piece of candy?"

"Yeah.."

"And you didn't unwrap it, but swallowed it whole anyway?"

"yeah.."

"And then threw up for the next couple of nights?"

"oh yeah..."

"This is exactly the same!"

"Oh okay, so I eat whats inside!"

"NO! uh, let me show you." Kagome reached into her bag and pulled out another one and a set of chopsticks.

"Okay.. I guess this will work." She opened the condom and pulled it out of the package. "Okay, this is a condom. DON'T EAT IT!! It goes over the guy's you-know-what like this." She said as she started to place it over the chopsticks. "Pretend these chopsticks are like the guys thing."

"Oh my god, it's not really that skinny is it?"

"NO! Well.. according to text books it isn't.. anyway, by making the guy wear it, his sperm won't get...um... 'in you' and you won't get pregnant."

"O!! OKAY!! WEE HEE!!" Sango dashed off from the woods, heading towards the village leaving kagome behind, with huge sweatdrops.

"I think i made a HUGE mistake..."

0_+

-OMG i'm such a pervert. Yeah. *GUILTY!* o well. I hope you like it. Feel free to flame. I don't usually pay attention very well anyway, so you probably won't get through to me no matter how many times you flame. Miroku's coming up in the next chapter. Poor bastard. This is going to be sooo much fun.


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